To the BATMOBILE

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

murder!

1050 hours, Space Frame, ACS(Independent)
I found myself striding forth purposefully into the great halls of ACS(I) early yesterday morning, with great intent on aceing/marginally passing my Biology Practical that even the sound of my footstep issued forth triumphant "Hallelujah"'s.

I had more than a quarter of an hour before my practical to burn by daydreaming about scandalously bare specimens of water chestnuts and long beans. Well, that was the plan, till I got accosted by a nasty piece of work masquerading as a middle aged woman. Prodding her stubby finger into my chest to gain my attention as I tried to walk over her and keep my hopes of an illicit imaginary outing with my biology experiments alive (or tried to, as she was up to my belly button and ended up sticking her finger in an otherwise undiscovered but extremely painful crack in between my kneecap and my shin), she was in a great frenzy to get from the old administrave office to the new one 200metres away.

Several minutes worth of finger pointing (the non-vulgar sort), elaborate diagram drawing and occult demonic sacrifices later, she still harboured the belief I was directing her to a labrynth beset with traps that would make Sean Connery shiver. It was now 1100.

Ruing the lack of a swiss army knife in my backpocket to whip out and spear her through her black heart (though even in ideal circumstance it would take me twenty minutes to identify which was the blade and the surprise would be gone. I'd be better off beating her around the head with the handle). She seemed to get even more worked up when I began absentmindedly running my finger across my neck.

It all culminated in her proclaiming out loud "I'm starting to get exasperated with you... So you mean you exit through that door?", further illustrating her point by stabbing my foot with the heel her leather stiletto boots. It was then which I shot her. It became increasingly obvious that I was dealing with someone who had less IQ than the doorway I was attempting to direct her through, and I decided for the benefit of her corpse that I would demonstrate walking through that orifice to show that no, there was no deadly pressure-released spike trap ready to impale her.
If you ever happen to walk by that particular doorway during the course of the next few months, pay no heed to the rotting stench emanating from behind one of the potted plants. Her body's hidden there, next to the boy who had proclaimed loudly (and very foolishly) in front of me that the Additional Math paper was easy.

In retrospect, I probably did her a favour. Seeing as how her son (or daughter, whichever the case may be) is from ACS, she'd probably be driven to suicide soon anyway.
TO THE BATMOBILE

posted by butler at 7:11 pm
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