To the BATMOBILE

Saturday, September 17, 2005

hitting the books (and consequently everything else..)

*Edit : I took about 2 weeks to slave over this. Despite this not being the best post ever, any kind words of encouragement/monetary compensation/sexual favours (pardon?) will not be amiss*

After spending the majority of Friday afternoon despairing (and drooling spastically) over my "Advanced Mathematics for Experts", my sympathetic (and disbelieving) mother and sister invited me along on one of their weekly night forages into the unchartered territories of Mustafa's. Having lost control of my jaw, I managed to splutter an ungainly "yes!" and tossed my book into a corner, where it landed with gutwrenching splat.

Being a virgin to the "Mustafa experience", I followed with an innocent wide-eyed and slackjawed expression (partially due to the fact I have not sufficiently recovered from the trauma of several hours worth of trigonometry), though once properly introduced to the (extremely cheap) perfume section, my legs, through no will of my own, slowly inexorably drew closer to the aisle - it was there which I thought I had stumbled upon a secret underground network of drug-snorting Thai tourists.

A loud exclaimation of "The F**K?" drew the attention of half a dozen spandex-clad Thai men, each of them with a bottle of Chanel perfume halfway up their left and/or right nostril. Startled, and suddenly extremely fearful for my virginity, I backtracked several steps all the while executing flawless bows and attempted to appease them by swearing fealty unto the "Village People" (they seemed to be the sort who'd like to belt out a perversion of "YMCA" while stripping half drunk), before turning around and breaking into a full sprint to sweet, heterosexual normality.

After having written this, and quite set to publish this post, I realised with a certain amount of dread, that it is highly probable within the next 5 minutes for men in white laboratory coats to storm through my front door, and drag me away for the publication of seemingly racial abuse over the Internet (I have always claimed I spare no race nor religion the lash of my sharp wit!). Do not get me wrong, I still, and forever will detest people who have no respect for a particular race or religion (or me for that matter).

As always, a loud public declaration of "F**k it" (Butlerman's favoured method of solving his problems) would do the trick, and pass me a bottle of Boss in Motion au de toilette, it's time to get high...

"It would really suck to lose to a bunch of Negroes"
Team White Trash (I might have gotten it wrong somewhere) of the Amazing Race Season 400.
(Suddenly, Butlerman's previously discarded opinions of divine influence on the weather over America makes much more sense...)
TO THE BATMOBILE

posted by butler at 10:55 pm
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