To the BATMOBILE

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Butlerman spies with his lil' eye...

I spy with my little eye, something starting with an "F" in the near future.

That being said, it literally is an "F", scribbled next to my chinese oral examination marks (no lewd comments please). Having learned a total of dribbleshit's worth of Chinese whatsoever within the last six months due to a total lack of comprehension of what is being tested in the Chinese O-levels new syllabus, I was recently forced to partake in an oral conversation.

Knowing all too well about my chinese speaking capabilities, I desperately turned to my class' chinese scholars tiny English-Chinese (and vice-versa) pocket electronic dictionaries. Unsurprisingly, it filled my head with rubbish that would not be needed whatsoever, be in in any examination nor real life, which explained why nobody actually buy the bloody things. Even before I tried, I knew that this sort of thing would have a limited utility. How frequently I would wish to say "I love the springtime - However it would soon be winter", and "Kite-flying is really fun, I wish to fly more kites" in Mandarin in Singapore would be questionable.

I must admit, the changing of the syllabus is a noble idea, but what I would like to learn (and thus be able to use) would be totally different. Take, for example, how useful it would be, to convey to the fiercest toilet attendant in Singapore (who conveniently plies her trade at my family's most visited hawker centre), an ex-professional wrestler, and totally illiterate in English, not to crane her head to watch me relieve myself. To assure her that I would not dribble on the tiles nor steal an urinal cake would be a blessing I do not have (I fear any attempt I try to communicate using my limited vocabulary would only result in her giving my kidneys a karate chop that would fell an enraged gorilla.

After stuttering through most of the passage in the reading segment of the examination, and (hopefully, very cleverly) dodging most of the questions she hurled at me during the conversation bit, what crippled me was when she asked me how long I have been studying Chinese. I can say it did not do wonders for my confidence.

It did take me the better part of the holidays to get over it, and a large portion of my wallet's contents (Happiness is expensive these days). This also probably being my (very lame) excuse of the lack of work achieved during the 5 day rest period. The most I have achieved within the holiday break would arguably be to watch Willy Wonka and his Oompa Loompas dance around like poofs. Though I would like to confess that staring at several (one, in particular) wet dreams while waiting in Lido would be one of the better memories I have commited to mind (I have repented since then - "Forgiven, but not forgotten" as they say). Once an ACSian, always an ACSian?

"Can you say 'Brainwashing'"?
TO THE BATMOBILE

posted by butler at 10:46 pm
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