To the BATMOBILE

Thursday, August 25, 2005

butlerman free 5-day trial

Midway through an extremely emotional week, my life nearly ended itself in one final, traumatic, climax.

I did not try to jump out the window - Instead, I entered one of my condominiums lift after yet another disastrous day of my very existence.
Unconsolable and weeping like a maniac at my own pathetic state of affairs, and belting out lyrics of "Bleeding Heart" by Acceptance (Kurt Cobain-style), I failed to notice the lift's tiny Post-it note claiming "Under repairs - Danger", now blown away (or ripped off by one of my many arch-nemesis').

What happened next was nothing unlike a runaway Dreamworld rollercoaster combined with the atomic bomb blasts of Hiroshima and Nagasaki combined. The very moment my finger left the 18th floor button, the beast of a lift lurched into life, rocketing skywards at roughly five floors per second, before grinding to a shuddering halt at the 7th floor, and dropping into freefall, past the ground floor, and revealing a dark, damp cavern filled with steam, valves and shadowy huddled figures (thus answering my questions of "Where does Mandarin Gardens get their endless supply of neandrathal-like security guards?").

5 panic-filled, knee-trembling minutes of pleading with a mechanic through a press-red-button-for-help system that obviously was outdated when Christianity was founded, I emerged, even more traumatised then before, and my shoes damp with urine.
With my life reaching its conclusion faster than I expected, I have come to realise and thus understand some part of Butlerman's life mysteries, before my demise takes that chance away (by my own hand, a disgruntled taxi driver, or my dog deciding to have a go its daily go at my leg and severing a major artery).

As it seems, each time a girl starts talking to me out of the blue (hell, even a guy, homosexual or not), my ego inflates exponentially, only to be shattered by something akin to a kick in the nuts, as after a periods of three days, I slowly fade out of existence once more. I have dubbed this "Butlerman's 5-day-or-so Free Trial"...
Ladies and gentleman, step right up to recieve your free copy...

TO THE BATMOBILE

posted by butler at 8:05 pm
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