"since i've known martin since he was in
pampers, i suppose i get the privilege
of writing his 1st testimonial! if you
think this guy is some bigshot.. ac
rugger & all.. let me assure you, at
home he is nothing more than 60+ kilos
of idiocy. martin's basically full of
horse sh*t.. he spends hours in front
of the com.. although half the time is
spent screaming obscenities whenever it
breaks down. martin's also really
stingy.. he equates having a few
hundred in his wallet as being "poverty-
stricken". & he hates buying presents
for anybody.. not even a tiny birthday
present for his dear sister.. of course
now i understand he has to spend
considerable amts of $$ buying
boardshorts at rip curl with naked
chicks on the back.. so that's alright
then. it's a worthwhile investment.
martin cracks me up.. in all the wrong
ways, of course, but as they say, you
shame. martin.. i hate to say this..
but.. i love you! alright now p*ss off
ou f*cking piece of sh*t."

Disgusting punctuation really. Despite that, its hard not to see why I love my family... (How sweet... You can get them off me for a low, low price of $50 however - the dog's thrown in for free).

My sister, is perhaps one of the three extraordinary beings ever created on this very Earth (the other two being me, and the Oompa Loompas - Woohoo... Willa Wonka's coming to town). 3 years ago, if you told any member of my family that my sister would be topping CJC with... top-grades (my pride requires me to speak no more of it in fear of comparisons being drawn), we would not have been sure whether to laugh or cry, though we would have sent you for an all-expenses paid trip to Woodbridge Hospital for lockup (taxi fare included!).

While her name once used to be synonymous with "wildchild" and/or "small, secluded wooded valley" (she's called Dell, you ignorant fools), these days she's interviewing good ol' President Nathan (I'm serious!). And what the hell is Butlerman doing? Sitting on his lazy ass typing this shit out. Its no wonder my parents share the same "Will-the-transformation-happen-again?" expression each time I say that I'm going to stay at A Math tuition for 2 hours longer (to catch some sleep, do some homework, and more or less lower my pulse to about 2 beats a minute - who needs to go meditating in Tibet?).

There used to be a time where we actually looked alike, believe it or not, and the fact will burn within me in eternal shame. That was until she lost 20 kilos, and I gained 20 kilos (of muscle mass I may add). Though it did come as a shock when some Oolong Tea stall auntie in Old Airport Road Food Centre said "Tingtalingtong-tekchong" (which I found out, meant "You two look so alike - so pretty!" in Teochew), and gave her shrilly old-auntie laugh, until my undisguised glare of warning got across to her from underneath all 2 kilos of my eyebrows silenced her. To her credit, she did continue "Tak-hor chingchangchong whore" which meant "*fake shrill laughter* The girl looks more prettier hor". God knows what would have happened to the auntie if my sister got her hands on the poor lady before she saved herself ("The truth hardly ever is flattering" Martin Butler - Superhero cum Prettyboy).

Do not be beguiled by that innocent, half-assed stare. She will kick your ass. Like she did mine.

TO THE BATMOBILE